Being “The Boss” While Being Their Pastor.
Brother,
Sometimes I’ll write about things that I’ve found freedom from. Other times, I’ll do my best to add value to you by speaking from a place of experience and wisdom I’ve gleaned over my 2+ decades in ministry.
But other times, you get this. The stuff that I’m still trying to nail down. The places that are still a bit raw and unrefined. The lessons that are layered and still coming with payments due. Cards, on the table as you’re my brother and I want to shoot straight - this is one of those.
“Mark, you’re my boss and my pastor and so I’m scared to say this but it’s hard to navigate you being my boss and pastor. And to be honest, I don’t know if I’ve figured out how to lead my wife through that. I see where we’re going and where you’re leading and I’m inspired and on board but it’s hard to be pastored by that version of you and there are times when I need you as my pastor, not my boss.”
That word, spoken in love by one of my staff members, (older and frankly, wiser than me) me was the gift I didn’t want to receive. At all. Because he was right.
I thought I was leading well. I thought I was balancing authority with care. But in truth, I was swinging too hard in one direction at times; “boss mode” when I was frustrated, or “pastor mode” when I didn’t want to directly confront a performance issue.
Neither was healthy.
Afterward, there I was, alone in my office sitting in this sobering moment…
If I don’t get this right, I could either crush the people who serve alongside me while likely causing wreckage to their families or even their faith. And just as possible, I could end up carrying an unhealthy team that drags the whole church down. Both options end in hurt.
The Tension We Live In
“Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly… not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.” -1 Peter 5:2–3
Oversight AND shepherding. Authority AND tenderness. Leadership AND care.
We can’t escape that we hold both roles with our staff. But the key is to let love temper authority. Henry Cloud often says leaders must be “hard on the issue, soft on the person.”
If you’re only hard, you’ll wound. If you’re only soft, you’ll avoid truth. A healthy leader lives in both.
Brother, please I’m begging you, hear me on this…
YOUR WORDS carry more weight than you realize. When you criticize a staff member, they don’t just hear it as feedback from a boss, they hear it as correction from their pastor. If that doesn’t sober us, I don’t know what will.
So we lead with clarity (no one thrives under vague expectations), but we deliver it with grace.
We correct privately, we affirm publicly.
We ask more questions than we make declarations.
And above all, we keep reminding our team (and ourselves) that they are not tools of ministry (what they do) they are sons and daughters of God (who they are) who offer up of vocational lives as pastors and leaders.
The Gritty, Stinky, Last 10%
Brother, we need to nail this one. I’m just as in-process as you are here.
In that, here’s an easy gauge for you to use as a hand-hold: Does your team breathe easier when you walk into the room, or do they brace themselves? Are you leaving them more encouraged or more depleted after meetings?
Don’t confuse busyness for fruitfulness in your staff. You know, I know, and they know that (more often than we’re comfortable saying) our hurriedness and busyness is more the product of a lack of strategic clarity, proper planning, or personal insecurities manifesting in our schedule than it is the press from having to tackle things that must get done.
Lead them with COURAGE AND COMPASSION.
Be quit to apologize and seek their forgiveness.
Be a shepherd who guides and journeys with their people, not just as boss who extracts results. One day, your staff will remember less about the programs you led and more about the way you made them feel while serving under you.
